Go to Work, Barbie

Cost of new faux-leather hard cover multi-ring art portfolio: $58
Cost of new color ink cartridge to print out samples: $40
Cost of new suit for interview because I've lost weight: $120
Hours spent redoing online portfolio: www.melaniemagicdesigns.com: 62
Hours spent designing, printing, cutting, constructing hard cover portfolio: 24


I have spent more money and time just trying to become gainfully employed than actual face to face time with potential employers. After posting my resume online, pushing it on family members, strangers at the local bar, literally offering it to the meat guy at the local supermarket... I've still spent more time and energy on applying than actual replies. Half of the time, it's like I send my resume out into the abyss of the internet -- like a penny dropped into a well, listening intently for the tin-ting-a-ling or splash when it hits the bottom. [If you watch Lost, it sorta reminds me of that episode where they figure out all the notebooks they send out of the tube end up in a pile in the middle of the jungle]

I know if I could just speak to a real, live human being, they would love me... but cyberspace just wasn't speaking back.


Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I decided to revamp my website, create a PDF media kit/resume, and get to crackin' on my hardcover portfolio. I had all but given up, and then I got three phone calls within 24 hours. Ahh... live human beings... and ack, interviews.

Interviews are divided into three stages: "the screen," "the date," "the make."

In "the screen," the employer will call you and speak with you over the telephone. They'll ask you miscellaneous questions, but really, they're just trying to figure out if you give good phone. Do you sound creepy is preliminary, do you know what your talking about is secondary.

"The date" is just what it sounds like... a date. A good first interview is like a good first date. You wear your best clothes (maybe a pair of lucky underwear or a piece of jewelry you swear possesses the good juju). You might talk to yourself in the mirror, practice how you are going to shake hands. You remind yourself of key phrases and key words you might find helpful. You smile a lot, ask a lot of questions. You talk about what you're good at, you talk about what you could do well for them. But just when it's getting good, it's time for you to leave. That's fine, because like any good first date, it's the mystery that lingers... they're exactly where you want them... and that's what brings me to the make.

"The make" is the big third date. They've already confirmed you're not an axe murderer, and now they want to meet you again, introduce you to some of the people on the team. They want to see you naked. Well, you know, not literally naked (there's lot of laws about that kind of stuff), but they want to find out what makes you tick... and exactly how much it will cost. A smart businesswoman knows how to sell herself but not put herself up for sale. You give them the number, they give you the handshake... and then you wait for the offer.

Cost of peeling off the price tag on my new hardcover portfolio while waiting in the boardroom for the CEO to arrive to interview me: PRICELESS.