Independence Day

I started the new job this week and I could not be more thankful that I had a day off in middle of the madness. The beginning of anything new can be overwhelming to one's senses and this new job is no different. I love new challenges and new stimulation. . . but when I have to be creative and I am overly stimulated, it's a lot like asking me to paint something pretty with red and green paint. It will just come out looking like mud or muck.

The first two days certainly had its challenges. I had moments when I wanted to crawl underneath my desk and I had moments when someone needed to talk me off of a ledge. I am still kind of waiting for them to look at me at the end of this week and say, You know, we thought we liked you, buuuuttt, not so much.

And wouldn't that just be the story of my life.

That's why I'm here blogging at 11:44 at night. I've been racking my brain trying to think of a marketing idea for a hotel chain revamp so when my boss looks at me tomorrow for some answers, I don't look quite like a chump. And that's just it. . . it's why I am blogging. Because I am a chump. My brain feels so completely drained of creative juices. I can't hear the brilliant ideas over the other voices in my head -- the ones reminding me who is who, what is what, and whatever you do, don't ask the senior art director anymore stupid questions tomorrow.

Women don't usually scare me. In fact, I have oddly been told by many women, some my closest friends, that when they first met me, I scared them. But this woman, the senior art director, intimidates the crap out of me. She's fearless, confident and brilliant. A creative, out of the box, in the zone kind of designer. It's so simple for her because she's been there for a few years, knows her co-workers, knows her clients, knows the industry... I may as well be asking her if red and yellow make orange when I ask her the anything. Judging by the look on her face, she lets me know it, too. But she is brilliant and most of the reason that I haven't quit is because I am going to learn so much from working with her in this arena.

Tonight, I am thankful for this pit stop in this week of craziness. I'm thankful for new challenges, new opportunities to show up to life. I'm thankful for the glimpses of independence I have felt in just this short while. My hope is that this path will bring me to a higher place in my life... a life I caught a glimpse of once, as it sailed on by in the night.